The words we speak have power, and unfortunately, they can not be taken back!
Think for a moment! Do negative words that were spoken to you in your formative years keep reverberating in your mind today, affecting how you live and behave? Research has shown that even the words spoken while being in our mother's womb are inexplicitly imbedded in our minds, setting us up for ongoing rejection or acceptance throughout our lives. As adults we are the sum total of all we have heard and experienced since conception.
Words we speak are like seeds of a flower that are planted in the soft, warm spring soil; they wait for the moment to germinate. Given the right environmental conditions, we anticipate the growth of a gorgeous array of summer flowers. So are the words that we speak to our children; they ultimately produce in their tender hearts fruit of one kind or another depending on whether they were positive or negative.
A heart is like a field of fertile soil waiting in anticipation for seeds of affirmation to be planted which will sprout into a useful and productive life. And if we speak loving and affirming words into the fertile soil of a child's heart, they will grow up healthily and happily.
I liken a newborn baby to a closed rose, bringing a life of pleasant fragrance and lasting beauty to the world. As the baby grows into an inquisitive toddler, its nature is to trust the parents, opening like a rose in anticipation of the love it needs. However, when the love and affirmation is nor forthcoming, the soul of the child will become wounded, and like a young rose it will prematurely close in an act of preservation. Children are resilient and will continue to seek what they desperately want - love and affection. Being eager to recover, they will begin again to trust their parents, but if the ongoing series of dysfunctional behavior continues, they will again feel the sting of rejection. Finally, after many attempts to reach out for loving arms has been rejected, this child like a rose closes; and unless this hurt is healed somewhere along the line, the child will withdraw into a closed shell. The world, sadly, will never enjoy the unique fragrance of this perfectly formed "rose" because the emotions were crushed too often by dysfunctional parents.
Do any of the above comments bring back memories of your own childhood trauma, or memories of how you yourself may not have adequately met your child's needs? Take heart, for all is not lost. There are those who have experienced the joy of restoration, and, yes, I also have experienced this. If your child has developed wounded emotions from the damage done by a negative home atmosphere, it will take some fine tuning, if not major redesign, to begin the healing process. Begin by changing some of your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and words that affect your children. Then be ready to listen attentively, quick to apologize, ready to forgive, and love unconditionally.
Raising teens in a fast-paced world can be a challenge. Children of all ages do not need "things" as much as they need our time and affection. Research shows that the average mother only spends three minutes a day really communicating with her child. The average dad? Forty-nine seconds, according to Martin Brokenleg, a professor of native American studies at Augusta University in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
You may be asking, "What can I do now that my child is in the turbulent teen years and emotionally moving away from the family home?" First of all, listen to them in an unjudjemental manner. At times overlook their outbursts and let them vent, as long as profanity is a no, no.. This is the time when they will distance themselves emotionally from you, but this is not a negative thing. Just think that of this does not happen, they may still be living with you when they are thirty!
Finally, I encourage you to give up on the fast lane and instead, give your teen some of your undivided attention and unconditional love.
Audrey Pihulyk is Nurse Audrey, the "stress specialist", who brings you stress relief through her speaking, writing and entertaining. She uses her years of experience as a practical nurse and professional speaker to help you "flush out" negative stress, replacing it with a healthy "infusion" of proven strategies and thought provoking ideas to help you mobilize stress for creative purposes. Her audiences say the she is "real", what you see is what you get! When it comes to stress and balancing your life - Nurse Audrey has been there and done that!
I have three children of my own and realize the challenges you as parents are facing. Help is on the way with my CD: Slow Parenting In A Fast Paced World which can be found at: http://www.nurseaudrey.com/resources.html While you are there, check out my latest Blogs for ideas on how to balance your life more effectively.
John Adams
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